And so it came. Doubt. The sneaky bastard. After a dreadful night with the boy child, I woke up exhausted Thursday morning. Faced with a day at home with the kids by myself, and feeling bloody knackered, I had a mini tanty 😬😬
I moved past it eventually, but it unfortunately set the precedence for my day somewhat and after the Hubs left for work, I started thinking “if I was in Christchurch, I could call the girls and go out for coffee and a playdate” or “if I was in Christchurch, I could call my MIL and she would hang with Tilly while I ran some errands with George and had a one child break”.
But I wasn’t in Christchurch, I was in Feilding. Sans friends, sans family that my children knew well. My family are here but since we have lived down south all my kids lives, they are still forming relationships with them.
Quite promptly, I set about convincing myself that moving had been a Very Bad Idea.
Now, those that know me know I’m prone to the odd spot of dramatics (lols) so as I stood there washing dishes while the sprogs climbed my legs demanding biscuits, booby and My Little Pony, I worried and fretted that we had been big stupid eejits who had upped sticks on a whim and now we were buggered.
I must admit, it was quite shock to the system, the old doubt. Back in Christchurch, when we were packing and preparing to move I had conjured a vision of myself in our new town. I was fit and lithe, 15kgs lighter than my current self. Balancing in tree pose as I stood in my lululemon yoga pants, one hand stirring an organic something or other that I had made from scratch and the other reading an enlightening, empowering non Maeve Binchy novel. My free range children played happily together and ate everything I made for them,including fresh eggs from our four chickens; Marilyn, Audrey, Judy and Barbra.
What a bloody buzz kill it was to realise that if I wanted any of these changes or choices I had to do it myself. Suck.
So, I rallied. I piled the kids into the buggy and we went and checked out the local Playcentre. Tilly had a blast and I met some really nice people so we will defo be going again. We headed out to Colyton, for a cup of tea with Nana and Poppa and a poke of Penny the Goat for Tilly. Getting out changed my mood immensely.
It was certainly a lesson in purposeful living. I am going into this week with small goals and a loose plan for each day and while I still have that yoga goddess vision stuck to my mental fridge, I have taken some steps in making it a reality. Including dusting off my running shoes which has been a wonderful, somewhat painful, experience.
Will check back in this week to talk about some of my goals. I enjoy blogging as it allows me to be accountable (as well as gives me the forum to talk about myself like the Leo I am). Will also include photos of new castle! We have a dining room table now, its all very exciting #smalltownlife
Have a great week everyone!
Ta ra for now